You might be a redneck SEO if…

I’ve always enjoyed Jeff Foxworthy and his “you might be a redneck” jokes, so…

Most SEO specialists seem to live in big metropolitan cities like Boston or London or Toronto. Not me. I live out here in the sticks. Which I guess makes me a bit of a redneck SEO, so…

If you think you might be a redneck SEO, I have devised this handy little test, with 50 signs that you might be a redneck SEO. Please feel free to share this with your friends colleagues and even friendly city-folk you might know. And don’t be shy to add to this list if there are important signs I missed.

By the way, it helps to imagine Jeff Foxworthy’s voice when you read these. Here is a video of Jeff Foxworthy doing his you-might-be-a-redneck routine to get you in the mood (Sorry, they turned off embedding on this, but the link is good.)…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sKtkdDJe5s&NR=1

Top 50 signs that you might be a redneck SEO

  1. If Yahoo! Is something you holler when your horseshoe rings the post, you might be a redneck SEO.
  2. If you’ve ever tried to change the transmission in your computer, you might be a redneck SEO.
  3. If you don’t Digg because digging sounds too hippyish, you might be a redneck SEO.
  4. If your idea of link-building is getting a longer chain for your wallet, you might be a redneck SEO.
  5. If you have to put on boots to go out to your home office, you might be a redneck SEO.
  6. If you look for scraper sites to clean the bottom of your boots, you might be a redneck SEO.
  7. If you find on-page optimization a challenge because you can’t write on your computer screen, you might be a redneck SEO.
  8. If you think GrayWolf, theGypsy and Neoblog are race horses, you might be a redneck SEO.
  9. If you spit for good luck before you click “submit website”, you might be a redneck SEO.
  10. If you re-use your spit … never mind. Next!
  11. If you don’t like title tags ‘cause titles are for uppity city folk, you might be a redneck SEO.
  12. If you like to Sphinn your partner at the local barn dance, you might be a redneck SEO.
  13. If you refuse to take on a client with a pink website, you might be a redneck SEO.
  14. If your other Mac is a truck, you might be a redneck SEO.
  15. If you prefer black hat SEO because real men don’t wear white, you might be a redneck SEO.
  16. If you have a Dukes of Hazard screensaver , you might be a redneck SEO.
  17. If wonder just what blade Matt cutts with, you might be a redneck SEO.
  18. If you agree that bounce rates are becoming a big SEO issue because gopher holes are damaging your ATV, you might be a redneck SEO.
  19. If every time a client mentions conversions you shout “Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!”, you might be a redneck SEO.
  20. If the words “viral content” send you running to the barn ‘cause you lost some 30 chickens to a flu bug last spring, you might be a redneck SEO.
  21. If you don’t care for link bait but you sure would love to help your client with his trout bait, you might be a redneck SEO.
  22. If you place the “home” button on your website between the “barn” button and the “outhouse” button, you might be a redneck SEO.
  23. If the word “blog” sounds just messy to you, you might be a redneck SEO.
  24. If you think Twitter is where they send all the twits, you might be a redneck SEO (but you can follow this SEO at @amabaie.)
  25. If a “search engine” means the 4 x 4 you take to chase away the foxes, you might be a redneck SEO.
  26. If you say you work from a mobile device and mean that you work from your home, you might be a redneck SEO.
  27. If you try to trap your mouse with cheese or peanut butter, you might be a redneck SEO.
  28. If you bill clients not by the hour, not by the links, not by the rankings, but by the six-packs consumed, you might be a redneck SEO.
  29. If your home page is set to Auto Trader or Monster Auto, you might be a redneck SEO.
  30. If adding video to your computer means buying an eight-track player, you might be a redneck SEO.
  31. If you think Sticky SEO is when you drop your keyboard in the pig pen, you might be a redneck SEO.
  32. If your office wall is decorated in very tasteful velvet Elvis, you might be a redneck SEO.
  33. If you bring your laptop to the family reunion hoping an eligible cousin will sit on it, you might be a redneck SEO.
  34. If your favorite ringtone goes ma-aa-aa-aa, you might be a redneck SEO.
  35. If your personal assistant also goes ma-aa-aa-aa, you might be a redneck SEO.
  36. If your car sports a worn bumper sticker reading “SEO or bust”, you might be a redneck SEO.
  37. If you wear jeans and a toothpick to a client presentation, you might be a redneck SEO.
  38. If your computer desk demonstrates that you are an environmentally aware operation because it is built from a used outhouse, you might be a redneck SEO.
  39. If you have more than one tattoo on your butt reading “SEO”, you might be a redneck SEO.
  40. If you sing in the shower “Thank God I’m an SEO Boy”, you might be a redneck SEO.
  41. If you own one computer that runs and five cars that don’t, you might be a redneck SEO.
  42. If you try to buy used links at the local flea market, you might be a redneck SEO.
  43. If your Avatar at Zoomit Canada is a picture of your belt buckle, you might be a redneck SEO.
  44. If organic search is what you do when you lose a rifle in the corn field, you might be a redneck SEO.
  45. If don’t do SEO contests, but would rather like to try an SEO drag race, you might be a redneck SEO.
  46. If you think sites rank well because they have “#1” in the title tag, you might be a redneck SEO.
  47. If you ask your clients to pay with ammunition or fireworks, you might be a redneck SEO.
  48. If you respect motherhood, apple pie and meta tags, you might be a redneck SEO.
  49. If your idea of social media is a telephone – the kind with a dial that turns, you might be a redneck SEO.
  50. If you think a cell phone is what you do when you don’t need a telephone with a dial that turns anymore … you might be right!

I hope you enjoyed this little test to see if you are a redneck SEO. Did you pass? Really? Great, welcome to the club. And if you come up with any other signs that I have missed, please add them to the comments below.

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Comments

  1. OMG, that was funny, funny, funny! But I'm a tad bit worried that I fit into a few of those categories. That can't be a good thing! LOL

  2. he he…. and …

    #51: You have enough time to come up with massively long lists of humourous content (or lists of resources like that 'Gypsy' guy)

    Obviously I am compromised well before reading the list and knew my lot. Town of 3000 or so here… most of them rang true 😉

  3. And if the first thing you thought when reading this post was "great link bait", you might be a real SEO.

  4. If your idea of a meta description tag is the one hanging around your coon dog's neck, you might be a redneck SEO.

  5. Great analogies! That is too funny.

  6. Great, I have seldom laughed so.

    This is me spontaneously in response to:
    51. If you think Google is something that you can make on your bread, you might be a redneck SEO.

  7. David Leonhardt says

    My apologies to those who had commented earlier. I approved a couple comments, and I can view them in Intense Debate, but they just are not showing up here. Something to do with the URL resolution with the … (note to self: never put … in a blog post title again!)

  8. "If Yahoo! Is something you holler when your horseshoe rings the post, you might be a redneck SEO."

    If you holler *anything*, you are most definitely a redneck (SEO or otherwise). 🙂

  9. David Leonhardt says

    Gretchen Wilson sings "Let me get a big "Hell, yeah" from hte redneck girls like me." in Redneck Woman. You miught be right!

  10. Hollerin' is standard redneck protocol, along with Whoopin' and Raisin' Hell. I'm told the fact that I keep multi-colored Christmas tree lights up in my office year-round qualifies me as a Redneck Woman, too.

  11. Funny list… Loved #14 "If your other Mac is a truck". Very, very clever!

  12. What is #10 "If you re-use your spit … never mind. Next!" ? I don't get it.

  13. Hey, you have given lots of knowledge about seo in funnier way, great post. kudos to your creativity. But why you are against that 3 persons?

  14. Finally another self-proclaimed redneck SEO! Thanks for including us kinfolk in this post. I feel obliged to add one to your list.

    If you think linkbait is a way to catch more than one fish at a time, you might be a redneck SEO.

    Shazam!

  15. David Leonhardt says

    Geez, I just picked 3 people with profile names that were not their real names. In fact, two of them are Davids in real life, so they start off with a great pedigree. 🙂

  16. WoW, I have no ideas that there are 50 signs that can turn us into a redneck SEO, David. I'll forward this article to my friends and hope they learn the lessons lol

  17. That was a nice and witty take on the world of SEO and more importantly a very useful one too!!

  18. If you use Hugh Net as your ISP and your driveway is at least 1/4 mile long with a gate at the end then you are an SEO Redneck

  19. If doing a search means looking for the best place to place a treestand to hunt deer with a bow then you are a SEO Redneck

  20. If you use a rod and reel to do some phishing then you are an SEO Redneck

  21. We live beyond cell phone coverage and have two satellite dishes for internet service from an island located on the great lakes. We also have 59 websites and 18 employees in 3 foreign countries. Our driveway is a mile long and we drive 4 miles one way to meet the school bus. So I guess we qualify as SEO Rednecks.

  22. Haha, I've personally never heard of being a red neck as SEO before, but that was pretty funny! And I'm glad that I read the post 🙂

    Cheers!

  23. David Leonhardt says

    That's my driveway. But we don't have a gate at the end.

  24. David Leonhardt says

    You get the Gold Medal Redneck SEO Award.

  25. If your abstraction of a meta description tag is the one blind about your coon dog's neck, you ability be a redneck SEO.

  26. This is one of the funniest post I have read in a while. It is definitely worth sharing to others.

  27. Boooooo! I thought I could get away from Foxworthy by coming online… Did you come up with all of these yourself? Very nice (and creative).

  28. If your idea of a meta description tag is the one hanging around your coon dog's neck, you might be a redneck SEO.

  29. I really didn't know what to expect when I first began reading the post. I could not stop laughing. I closely relate to a lot of those items on your list.

  30. Love #13, We do not need anymore pink website.

  31. i did laught a lot with redneck seo

  32. "If you own one computer that runs and five cars that don’t, you might be a redneck SEO."

    I literally LOLed on that one. Several other ones were great too. I live in a huge redneck town, so even though I'm not a redneck myself I love the jokes. Great list.