Where the Candidates Stand on SEO

Today, I would like to share with you the candidates’ positions on SEO.  In both the USA and Canada, national elections are in process, so it is only appropriate that the major political figures have stakes out pivotal positions on issues critical to SEO.

Unfortunately – and amazingly – no candidate in either country has yet announced the party platform on SEO-related issues, so here are a few questions I would like to pose to the candidates: 

  1. The Internet has expanded immensely over the past decade.  As a result, demand for top-10 rankings has far outstripped supply for almost every search term imaginable.  How does each candidate plan to increase the number of websites in the top-10?
  2. Will the candidates agree to support the proposed “Truth in Google Backlinks” bill?
  3. How do the candidates plan to convert the oversaturation of city traffic (a bad thing) into increased website traffic (a good thing).
  4. There are far too many shady characters hanging their shingles and calling themselves SEOs, offering false guarantees, taking advance payments to enjoy the beach, and giving the honest SEO professionals a bad name.  Would each candidate please explain which method they prefer to rectify this: public flogging, overdosing on anchovy paste, locking in a room with an endless stream of Teletubbies reruns?
  5. How does each candidate plan to address the pending disaster occurring in India and Pakistan, namely the overabundance of cut-rate link-builders who are putting Americans and Canadians on the street?
  6. Could any of the exciting candidates please shout “Yahoo!” at the next campaign rally?
  7. Are any of the vice-presidential candidates willing to pray for my clients to rank #1 for all their search terms?
  8. Where does each candidate stand on drilling in the Arctic, and what has that got to do with SEO, anyway?
  9. Canada the USA and Mexico have signed a North American Free Trade Agreement that some politicians have suggested needs to be renegotiated.  Will the candidates also commit to negotiating a North American Free Internet  Agreement?
  10. What keywords does each candidate plan to target when in office?
  11. PPC prices have suffered unprecedented inflation, keeping pace with inflation of Zimbabwe.  Do the candidates favor a price cap on PPC when they climb to the average price of housing?
  12. Do the candidates favor a price floor on housing when they dip to the price of PPC?
  13. Do the candidates prefer Google Maps or MapQuest for coordinating future military campaigns?
  14. Will the candidates commit to placing a recently updated Google PageRank bar over the entrances to all government offices, so that visitors know the true value of each office?
  15. Do the candidates plan to appoint blog secretaries to organize blog conferences?
  16. And finally, what role does each candidate see for spam in relations with Iran?

 I am sure there are other SEO-related questions we should be asking.  Perhaps you can suggest some in the comments field below…


  1. nice one! I like the google pagerank over each official 🙂

  2. Well, Barry, actually I was only asking about placing the Google PageRan above each office, but now that you mention it…

  3. LOL. I really enjoyed this one. I concur with Barry Wise on Google PageRank. It was pretty funny!

  4. Yeah, another nice and informative post from David 🙂

    Hmm…, I’m sure that the NAFIA will be carried out, but it will require a longer time than the NAFTA did!